I had a consciousness this morning of enjoying my own company.
First time in my lifetime, and I liked it.
I am being here for me.
I am learning how.
I have hope.
I have one dear friend in California who has offered almost without limit or condition her time to text with me. I do that a lot with her. She is married, and her husband supports her efforts to help others, like myself, through life's storms. She has been and is continuing to be a major support.
I have one female friend who is currently being open to spending some time with me, going out for eats, talking, drinking tea, etc. I am not contacting her in between our agreed upon dates to make contact. I learned from some past relationship disasters to not pursue dependency as I always have; scrupulously avoiding that here.
She just now considerately texted me that she has unexpected commitments to do things for two of her kids and the outlook for seeing her today is uncertain. But she then followed up and didn't rule it out completely either. I am enjoying the fact that right now it is working, she is showing a lot of thoughtfulness and I am behaving with more consciousness and less of the old barely hidden dependency behavior. Also, after learning from my hugely painful and embarrassing blow-up with my last month long relationship, I am keeping names and details off of Facebook. Maybe someday I will have the confidence to do that, but right now my relationships are tenuous and a steep learning curve.
I am so glad that I have finally found this new consciousness that spending time with me is beneficial. Wow, what a breakthrough!
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