getting help

Oh my God, I am so afraid of being alone. Alone I am; even Mary, who I wasn't much attracted to, rejected me, even as a friend, because my house violated one of her dealbreaker filters for a prospective relationship. I had thought that I would try pursuing her after Lisa crushed my heart by walking off with another man, after she was involved with me. But even trying a pursuit of someone that I wasn't attracted to did not work.
My son, Gabe, has pointed out that I have a too broad filter of requirements myself for a potential mate, and that if almost anyone begins to start seeing me, I want to very quickly brand it a relationship, and I start showing much intensity, too soon.
It is obvious that this comes from my inner desperation, which is fueled by strong inner anxiety.
My daughter, Natalie, called today and I had the best conversation I have ever had with her. She told me that she longs to see me happy and content, in an alone state. I have had others on Facebook agree that what they see me attempting here is the right thing for me, at this time.
I took a break from writing this, and in the interim, set up my first four sessions with a counselor. My first twelve sessions will be totally free under my benefits; after that there will be a $10 copay. My counselor is a 75 year old man, who strikes me as of Indian descent. I think that I am going to like him, and that he possesses wisdom from which I will benefit.